When I look back at where I was, what I hoped to achieve, what I thought I could do during these six months, I am shocked at how naïve I was back in late September before I got on a plane for Port-au-Prince. I am so disappointed that I have not been able to do what I set out to do. I have not even begun my sexually transmitted infections surveillance study and I am on my way back to Bethesda. I thought I would have the study underway in Gressier by Christmas and then set up the laboratory and begin the second part of the study in Baradères. I did go to Baradères twice. Sister Denise is still waiting for me to set up the lab there. When Pierre and I went to Baradères earlier this month with a team from our church in Silver Spring, we visited Sister Denise. The first thing she asked me was when was I going to move to Baradères and build the lab (her second question was where is the construction engineer I introduced her to during our visit in November). They are waiting for me in Baradères. I need to go back.
So I did not accomplish what I set out to do. I was naïve. Rule #1 for working in Haiti: adjust your expectations.
I am looking at my last six months in Haiti through the prism of my high (naïve) expectations. So naturally I am terribly disappointed with what I did not accomplish. At the same time, I have become more critical and more cynical about projects in Haiti. Critical, because I know now the nuances of what it takes to get things done. Not to just start things but to actually get things done. Cynical, because I see how much money and resources (human and material) are wasted on good ideas that are not sustainable and wasted on just plain bad ideas. Cynical, because 99.9% of these projects I see are started with the best of intentions. Cynical, because so many opportunities are squandered due to lack of vision and will. Money is not always the problem. The absence of effective on-the-ground leadership, management, accountability and sustainability are the main problems that I have seen. These are hard problems that money alone cannot solve.
But looking through that prism I fail to see all the wonderful things I experienced, what I learned and, more importantly, what I did accomplish. I wrote my first ever human subjects research protocol and got it through the Institutional Review Board process. I managed to do this without having access to the secure website through which all their business is transacted. My project was approved on March 28, three days before the end of my official sabbatical. I had all of the project documents translated into French and the Informed Consent Document and Questionnaire translated into Creole for the Haitian Bioethics Committee. My submission to the Haitian Ministry of Public Health and Population Bioethics Committee will be hand-carried and submitted tomorrow to their office in Port-au-Prince. I had lots of help with the translations. Isabelle, Pierre, Nancy, and Madsen all contributed. The Haitian Bioethics Committee meets in two weeks. Hopefully, they will approve the protocol. Then I will be able to begin my study. I arranged to get some of my equipment and supplies flown in on a Denton Program flight (see March 29, 2014 post) and I plan to bring in more of my materials that way in the future. I networked with a lot of people in lots of different areas. I have plenty of ideas for new projects.
Here are some of the things I discovered about myself over the past six months:
I am patient, to a point, and then I become insistent. I nag. And I nag more insistently when there is no obvious reason for a delay.
I can beg. I can plead for donations, favors. There is no shame here. I am doing it for my cause. To help Haitians.
I have a low tolerance for incompetence. I have a very difficult time masking my distain for someone who is not doing their job. I hate to hear excuses about why something was not done, or was not done right. Fix it and don’t let it happen again. Take a little pride in your work and finish it! Maybe I am not as patient as I thought I was.
I am judgmental.
I am demanding. I am critical, maybe overly crucial, of people who are not performing up to their abilities. It upsets me to see energy and intellect wasted. And I have seen a lot of it wasted here.
I hate to see food being wasted. I really hate to see food being wasted. I really, really hate to see food being wasted.
I am not an outwardly religious person. But maybe, in my own way, I am as religious as the rest of the C’ville family and the mission teams that come to Haiti and stay in C’ville. Maybe not. Maybe “religious” is not the right word.
I can learn Creole. I just need to get out of the C’ville bubble more and speak Creole.
I miss my kids. It was really great having Pierre here working with me these past three months. He learned a lot and really grew (see his blog at http://pierremaurellihaiti.blogspot.com/). I miss Cecile and Odile. But they have their university lives and I do not need to be watching over them every day. But I miss them.
So how do I sum up all the positives of the past six months? I don’t know. I need some distance to see. I think I helped the UF lab in the area of management and in scientific matters. Meer and I are a great team. We started off so well but the last three months were really eaten up by a mountain of administrative and management issues that Meer had to deal with, principally the completion and commissioning of the BSL3 lab. It is good that Khan is finally here to take over the BSL3 lab and start the TB work. That will free up Meer to do what he is here to do: his science. I am anxious to get back to Haiti and actually work on some of the projects that Meer and I talked about three or more months ago.
I’m not done yet. I will be back. There is still so much more to do.
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